What Works: Learning to trust

This weekend, I went to Lake Tahoe with my Little. As a Big, with Big Brothers Big Sisters, beach time is fun time. But it’s also time to connect with my Little and talk.

This beach trip, I believe she taught me more than I taught her. The one thing I love about kids and teens is their ability to jump in with both feet. As you know, Tahoe is cold. But she got in there and swam the majority of the day. When I wanted to get in, I didn’t turn my brain off and jump like I did when I did the Polar Bear Plunge.

I got in little by little, shivering all the way. Even though she asserted I would not be as cold once I dunked my head, I couldn’t get there. There was a fine layer of pollen in the water. The water was cold. I was sure once I dunked my head I would want to get out. This whole experience led me to think about fear and bravado. It’s the trust gap between the two that leads to informed action.
I’ll explain further.

The person who turns off their brain and just jumps in exhibits bravado. This is a bit different than bravery because the element of consciousness is turned off. When I did Polar Bear Plunge, I decided I was going to do it no matter what. I didn’t allow questioning. I just turned off my brain and jumped. Now, I did this under safe circumstances. I wasn’t set up to jump on rocks or in shallow water.

At the other end of the spectrum is fear, which results in slow movement, a prolonged process, and potentially more pain. I realized by going in as slowly as I was, I spent much longer in pre-judgement. In effect, I was creating my own fear.

So how did I develop trust in this situation?

I kept going. I got up to my ankles. I kept going. My calves were submerged. I shivered. But I kept going. As I got more competence and realized that I wasn’t cramping up or going numb, I had the confidence to move forward.
I was open allowed the experience. I allowed myself to feel cold and move forward anyway. I wasn’t in denial about how I felt. I accepted it and moved forward.

I remained aware and tested my assumptions. If I stepped on a rock, I changed my course in the water. I didn’t assume everything was rocky and turned back. I took another step. My Little has black hair. She pointed out if I would be covered in pollen I would be able to see it in her hair. I didn’t see any yellow pollen in her black hair. With the test, came truth. It was basic research methodology.

The moment I was ready to dunk my head, I stopped pre-judgement. I stopped worrying about pollen up my nose. I stopped worrying about wanting to get out once my head was under.

Ultimately, there was a time to stop the research and just do. I took a deep breath and I went under.
Why did it take me so long to do that? I was working The Trust Gap. The Trust Gap is the space between fear and blind bravado where you come to trust yourself, others, and whatever you believe in outside of yourself. The Trust Gap is where people move from fear into action. It requires data collection, openness to the result, and the willingness to keep moving forward.

If you have read this far, you’ve realized this article isn’t just about how to withstand the cold water in Tahoe. It’s about how to work your own Trust Gap in your life, business, relationships, and career. How do you come to trust even with past “evidence” screaming at you not to trust? This week, I encourage you to operate from a place of collecting fresh data. I encourage you to open yourself to new experience, no matter what your past experiences have been. This is how to live an expansive life. Now, go out, live, and thrive!

LEARN AND GROW




Ongoing: Motivation Monday with Diane Dye Hansen at Adams Hub for Innovation from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. (Up to two free 30-minute face to face sessions. Email grow@adamshub.com to schedule an appointment).

THIS WEDNESDAY at 5 PM! Diane appears in a free webinar hosted by the Explore Your Momentum community to turn Your curiosity into cash and learn how to capitalize on your "Crappertunity." Go here to signup.

July 12, 2017: Entrepreneurs Assembly at Adam’s Hub for Innovation, inside The Studio. 5:30 pm, free mastermind group.

September 18-20, 2017: Workshop: “Success After Abuse: Empowering Women to Assert Themselves After Leaving an Abusive Relationship” - Nevada Coalition to End Domestic and Sexual Violence Conference, Atlantis Casino and Resort, Reno. Go here to sign up.

Coming Summer 2017: 10 Steps to Business Success Workshop – 6-week online class – Sign up here for the What Works for Inspiration newsletter to receive details when available.

Schedule a complimentary 30-minute phone consultation with Diane any time at whatworkscoaching.com.

What Works Coaching

Diane Dye Hansen is the Chief Inspiration Officer of What Works Coaching, an individual and organizational coaching and consulting firm based in Carson City. She has 20 years of experience working with top corporations, growing businesses, motivated entrepreneurs, and individuals hungry for a fresh start. Diane holds a Bachelor’s in Business Administration and Marketing from Cal State San Bernardino. She is also a candidate for a Master’s degree in Communications Management from the University of Southern California. Her column appears every Monday, and sometimes Tuesday, in Carson Now.