Pine Nuts with McAvoy Layne: A time for women
Submitted by Jeff Munson on Mon, 11/23/2020 - 10:40am
The prevailing belief amongst leaders of nine nuclear powers is that Weapons of Mass Destruction are a deterrent. So far so good. However, there is also a belief simmering in the minds of a few revanchists, that WMDs might be useful in exacting retaliation or retribution for various grievances.
Cooler heads do not always prevail, and much better minds than mine have told us, "Preparation for war begets war." We have no permanent enemies, except weapons of mass destruction, and the time to draw them down is now.
So how do we do this? Well, first and foremost, we need to put women in charge of de-escalation, because the building blocks of WMDs, the very DNA of WMDs is testosterone.
Mankind has always been quick to attempt to solve problems with violence. Women, on the other hand have been the voice of reason. Their final salvo in an argument has customarily been a coherent and cogent, "Fine!" Personally, I'm fine with that, as I've learned to abide by such risk averse compromise. You bet!
Over the millenniums, while men have declared casus belli, mothers have sent their sons off to fight internecine wars. But the ladies are wising-up to that scheme of things. They want peace, a true peace, and a true peace is more than an absence of violence, it is an omnipresence of kindness.
I ask you, when was the last time you heard a woman say, "You got a problem with that?" When was the last time you heard a woman shout, "Don't make me come over there!" And when was the last time you heard a woman declare, "I'm not a (you fill in the blank), and I'm not a dentist either, but I'll take your teeth out."
No, those are things we men like to say, oftentimes followed by physical altercations, it's in our DNA. Now if the violence that follows such taunts is mere fisticuffs, well maybe nobody gets hurt. But if there's a knife involved, or more commonly, a firearm, there could be a corpse.
As we move up the scale of killing power of weaponry, with no change in the combative nature of mankind, we get to Weapons of Mass Destruction, and well yes, Virginia, accidents do happen.
A quick glance around the world today reveals armed conflicts from Afghanistan to Yemeni, from Azerbaijan to Somalia, and Russian fighter jets have been buzzing Alaska of late. I guess they're still sore about selling us Alaska for 7 million rubles, but hey, that was away back in 1867; get over it!
There's an age old expression, "s*** happens!" Let us not fill in that blank with "nuclear war," because if we do fill in that blank with "nuclear war," well my friend, we can kiss our assets goodbye.
Yes, let us let the ladies have a voice in de-escalation of WMDs, and let us bid a final farewell to Weapons of Mass Destruction before they bid a final farewell to us.
— For more than 30 years, in over 4,000 performances, columnist and Chautauquan McAvoy Layne has been dedicated to preserving the wit and wisdom of “The Wild Humorist of the Pacific Slope,” Mark Twain. As Layne puts it: “It’s like being a Monday through Friday preacher, whose sermon, though not reverently pious, is fervently American."
