What Works: Feeling imprisoned? You may have chosen it

This week, I got into a rousing text conversation about feeling imprisoned. We spoke about obligations, duty, and ultimately — the choices that led up to those imprisonments. Prison isn’t just a place for criminals to go to pay their retribution to society. We can create prisons for ourselves and not even know it.

Any time I talk about this, it can get heated and a little controversial. “I didn’t ask for this to happen to me!” True victimization does happen. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about this scenario. You are sitting on a bench outside and some bird poop lands on your pants.

You exclaim, “that bird just pooped on me.” No, my friend, the bird just pooped. Sentient beings do things, sometimes as part of their nature. It’s your choice whether to imprison yourself with what happens.

You have more choices than you think:
1) Ignore the poop.
2) Laugh it off.
3) Get some water and a paper towel and clean it
4) Change your pants
5) Buy a new pair of pants

I’m sure you can think of more. But here is the point. For every situation that could imprison us in a problem, we have choices to escape. I wrote last week’s column about overwhelm. I felt imprisoned by my overwhelming to-do list. At the core of it, I had choices.

You have choices too. It may not seem like it, but you do. What happens when we feel imprisoned, though, is we lock down. We get tunnel vision. Unless we are trained to focus on the solution, or how to get to the solution by questioning the situation, we laser focus on the problem and that problem gets bigger. Before long we are irritated, shutting down, playing victim, and really kind of stuck in a prison of our own choice.

The next time something happens (notice I didn’t say something happened TO you), here’s what to do for the get out of jail free card.

What is: What actually happened, the raw facts.

What was: Address those emotions that might be popping up, what is it about this situation that is creating this feeling of being trapped?

What is possible: Ask questions about what happened. How can you use this situation to learn, grow, help others one day, or make a new choice?

What works: Make an agreement with yourself right now that you committed no crime. Therefore, you deserve to get out of your prison of choice. Commit to finding a solution, complete with the resources and strategies you need to be successful. Make that new choice any time you feel imprisoned by a situation, person, outcome, or even a bird who poops on your pants.

So, is anyone angry? Are you nodding? Are you realizing that choices can be made to improve your situation and stop prison mentality? I want to hear from you. The floor is yours, Carson City.

READER THANKS!
I want to thank the reader Connie from Clarksville, Tenn. She wrote her son (who is local) and told him, to tell me, that my column about overwhelm “spoke to her” last week. I also want to thank the readers I have run into around Carson City, the married couple at Living the Good Life, a few men and women at Bella Fiore, who have approached me to tell me to keep writing. If you want to read about something, please say hi if you see me around town or email me at diane@whatworksconsultants.com — I’m listening.

ABOUT DIANE DYE HANSEN
Diane Dye Hansen has more than 20 years of experience in communication and change management gained in the sectors of government, non-profit, healthcare, publishing, advertising, entertainment, and technology. Her Critical Opportunity Theory helps organizations and leaders turn challenge into opportunity through proper leadership and team communication.

She is the president and founder of What Works Consultants, Inc., a consulting firm which helps business leaders communicate when communication is hard. This is done through research, strategic communication planning, change management consulting, human resources recruitment and training. She is a columnist on CarsonNow.org. To meet her and learn how she and her team can help your company, visit What Works Consultants, Inc. online at www.whatworksconsultants.com.