What Works: Expectations are pre-meditated resentments
Submitted by editor on Mon, 10/06/2014 - 10:57am
I think I just felt a hundred hearts skip a beat. “Diane, you are off your rocker. Aren’t you a business coach? Don’t you measure success based on EXPECTED outcomes?” Yes. The word OUTCOMES (plural) means there is more than one scenario to the situation and any one of them could come about. By not having expectations or at least not being emotionally tied to ONE outcome, I open myself up to the plural form. I try not to emotionally tie myself to “this is how it’s going to turn out.” Why? It’s limiting.
Let me ask you a candid question. Do you think you could come up with every possible way your life could turn out, set your focus, and create the exact interactions, scenarios, and outcomes you want? We can direct our intention and take action. But, even though in our hearts we know we are not omnipotent beings, we tend to try to act like one from time to time. Even when I’m action planning with a client, I leave room for the universe to work. I open up to the “S” in outcomes and look forward to what results come our way. The value of the lesson is always there.
When you have expectations, you are unwaveringly focused on a single outcome. There is an emotional tie and you have no plan A, B, or C if external factors shift and affect the outcome of your goal. You simply “expect” it to turn out one way or another. Some can easily shrug it off if it doesn’t. I can usually shrug it off. But when I don’t, that’s when fear, anger, insecurity, and general upset sweep in. I start to fill the people I meet up with expectations, like meat sacks instead of people. I assign roles and when people are (gasp) human, things fall apart. I am (double gasp) human too.
This plays into all aspects of life: work relationships, marriage, dating, friendships, general projects, even paintings. Yesterday, I sat down in Mills Park with my paints, canvases and an easel. I didn’t know what my finished product to look like. I had an inspiration and I let it carry me. What ended up on the canvas, ended up on the canvas. I paint abstract art for that very reason. In my art, just like in my life, people are going to see what they are going to see. They will react how they will react. Does that mean I will enjoy the process any less? No. I walk into my art with no expectations and I’m pleasantly surprised by the results.
Results do come. Sometimes they are more spectacular than expected. Sometime there is a lesson in them and we grow. Regardless, if we walk in expecting nothing and ready to embrace everything, we will always succeed.
Do you have a story about when you expected something and actually got something better? Or how about when you expected something and had to spend some time dealing with sadness, anger, and upset due to those expectations not being met? The floor is yours, Carson City.
ABOUT DIANE HANSEN
Diane Hansen is the Chief Inspiration Officer of What Works Coaching, a coaching firm that has helped people worldwide with their businesses, careers, mindsets, and profit margins. She brings to Carson City more than 17 years of experience with a wide array of clients, ranging from top corporations, motivated entrepreneurs and individuals hungry for a fresh start. Her column appears every Monday, and sometimes Tuesday, on Carson Now.
