• Carson Now on Facebook
  • Follow Carson Now on Twitter
  • Follow Carson Now by RSS
  • Follow Carson Now by Email

Pine Nuts with McAvoy Layne: Most amazing gorl had the cheek to tell me I'm a bad speller

What I know about gorls you could put in a gnat's ear. It's not because I haven't tried to understand gorls, I have tried to understand gorls. They make great mothers and grandmothers, I know that. But you show me a man who says he understands middle-aged gorls and I'll show you a big fat liar. Though just because we can't understand gorls does not mean we can't love gorls. There is something comforting and contenting about a gorl's voice, a gorl's laughter.

And there are some really amazing gorls. I knew a gorl once who could stand on her hands, shoot a bow and arrow with her toes, and hit a target fifty feet away. She was probably the most amazing gorl I ever knew, though she was a terrible speller, she spelled cat with a k, and kite with a c.

And, she had the cheek to tell me I was a bad speller. I never knew a gorl with more cheek than she had. She ran off with a door to door Fuller Brush Man and left me a note I couldn't even begin to cipher. She said I didn't understand gorls and never would understand gorls no matter how long I happened to live.

And she closed that note by telling me I was in the 900's of the Dewey Decimal System, whatever that means. And she didn't even put a hyphen in nit-picker. I miss her, but there are other gorls out there who are amazing too. It's just so hard to meet gorls.

I was in the quick 10 and under line at Raley's yesterday and there was a gorl in front of me who had eleven items by my count, and I couldn't help but notice this gorl was buying a value pack of Nicorette Inhalers to try to quit smoking.

So I tapped this gorl on the shoulder and suggested to this gorl that maybe she should go put the Nicorette Inhalers back on the shelf, and that would make ten items, and I would hold her place.

This gorl looked at me like I asked to borrow five dollars, and then this gorl told me that what she had in her cart was none of my business, and then this gorl huffed real loud and turned her back on me.

So I tapped this gorl on the shoulder again and said, "You know, Formula One Smoke Away works better than Nicorette Inhalers anyways." I was trying to be helpful, but this gorl gave me a look that would have killed a lesser man.

Maybe as I grow older I can find an older gorl who might be understandable, but I doubt it, because I guess no matter what age they are, gorls is gorls.

— For more than 30 years, in over 4,000 performances, columnist and Chautauquan McAvoy Layne has been dedicated to preserving the wit and wisdom of “The Wild Humorist of the Pacific Slope,” Mark Twain. As Layne puts it: “It’s like being a Monday through Friday preacher, whose sermon, though not reverently pious, is fervently American.”

Top Stories

... or see all stories

In a systematic approach to improve water quality, Lyon County Utilities will be conducting water main flushing Tuesday and Wednesday, May 14-15 in the Rose Peak area (roughly between Flowery Avenue and Sheep Camp Road) in Dayton, Nev.

The 2nd annual Hot Air for Hope Balloon Festival is returning May 17-19 at Lampe Park in Gardnerville. This is a free community event that benefits the Center for Hope and Healing.

The wait is finally over. The second annual Mark Twain Days Festival returns to Carson City and Virginia City this weekend! Enjoy themed train rides, concerts, literature, book sales, kid's stories, and so much more all throughout the capital city and Virginia City.

Let's take a look at the full list of events for the weekend.

Each year, the Carson City Sheriff’s Office hosts an open house event as a way to connect families, deputies, non-profits and more. This year the event takes place Saturday, May 11 from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.

Nevada State Police has identified a Northern California man who died in a fatal crash last month on I-80 in Fernley.

Carson High School will host its First Annual Art Expo, showcasing the talents of its student artists in photography, graphic design, drawing, painting and ceramics Thursday, May 16, from 5-7 p.m.

A 40-year-old man was arrested Wednesday for suspicion of carrying a concealed knife without a permit, a gross misdemeanor offense, and misdemeanor disturbing the peace, according to a Carson City Sheriff's Office booking report.

Hello fellow anglers. Depending on where you were for the opening day season, the waters were high on the rivers and some lakes still had not iced out yet. But yet the strangest thing about it was. There were about half of the expected anglers that ventured out. I noticed the campgrounds were only half full.

Check out the free Senior Health Fair from 8 am to 12 noon this Thursday, May 9 at Casino Fandango Grand Ballroom in Carson City.

More than 70 vendors, a record number, will share valuable information about their programs and services. Participate in raffle drawings, interact with service dogs, donate blood, and have quick access to important vaccines. Pick up our fifth edition of the Senior Celebration magazine and a Community Resource Guide.

Following a capacity community turnout in March, Grassroots Yoga Center is offering its second Self-Care Wellness Fair Saturday, May 18. The center is located at 195 E. Winnie Lane.

Students at Fritsch Elementary School in Carson City were swinging for success with their participation in the San Francisco Giants Junior Giants initiative. The free, non-competitive and innovative baseball program for boys and girls ages 5-13, focuses on education, health and bullying prevention, providing a holistic approach to community sports.

Nevada Humane Society, Carson City branch's Pet of the Week is Valkerye, a one-year-old shepherd mix who still has a big puppy heart. She enjoys playing with children as she is used to living with them.

The Misfits Theater Group presents its 2024 Spring Production: Gold Casino or Bar Be Tender on the weekends of May 18-19 and May 24, 25 and 26, 2024.
Click on flyer for details.

Sierra Nevada ENT, a trusted provider of clinical and surgical care since 1995, is excited to announce its transition to Carson Tahoe Ear, Nose and Throat (ENT), effective May 14, 2024. This expansion reflects our continued commitment to growth, innovation, a holistic care approach, and our dedication to delivering high-quality, state of the art patient-centered care to our community.

CONNECTIONS Gathering in May with special guest Mark Collie

CONNECTIONS Central announced that musician, actor, and philanthropist Mark Collie will be the guest storyteller at the May 16th CONNECTIONS gathering at the Brewery Arts Center in Carson City. CONNECTIONS Central is a new organization that uses the power of storytelling to promote stronger, happier and healthier relationships that enrich lives and build community.

Food Bank of Northern Nevada is asking for the community’s support on Saturday, May 11 as it joins the National Association of Letter Carriers for the Stamp Out Hunger food drive.

Tickets are now on sale for the second annual Mane Event, a fundraiser for Between Horses and Humans, a youth-oriented nonprofit serving Douglas County and the Lake Tahoe area that teaches kids life skills through horsemanship. The Mane Event is Saturday, June 1, from 2-5 p.m. at Cowork Tahoe, 3079 Harrison Ave. in South Lake Tahoe.

CARSON CITY — In response to the ongoing Medicaid eligibility redetermination process that resumed in April 2023, Nevada Health Link is extending the Special Enrollment Period through November 30, 2024, for those who no longer qualify for Medicaid or Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP).

The call for country and Olympic team unity has Stephen Curry lacing up his basketball shoes for Paris and setting his golf clubs aside this July, foregoing his title defense at the American Century Championship, the celebrity golf tournament at Lake Tahoe.

A 36-year-old Yerington resident died, one person was injured and three escaped from a house fire Monday night in Yerington, according to the Lyon County Sheriff's Office.

Looking for a place to take your little ones this week? Look no further! Here is a list of family-friendly (and fun!) activities and events happening this week around Carson City.

A gang fight at an apartment complex last month resulted in the arrest of 14 juveniles and adults, according to the Carson City Sheriff's Office.

Carson City Sheriff's Office Uniformed Reserves and Partnership Carson City collected approximately 410 pounds of prescription drugs in the Prescription Drug Take Back held last month in Carson City.

Mark Twain Days Festival returns this Friday through Sunday, May 10-12, with a bevy of events lined up for the second year of the festival, which is held in honor of Mark Twain, our region’s most famous writer.

Partnership Carson City has launched “Rediscovering Your Mental Health Series,” a five-week program aimed at promoting mental wellness during Mental Health Awareness Month this May. Each week, participants will have the opportunity to learn new skills and techniques to enhance their mental well-being and foster a healthy community.

The Battle Born Chapter Daughters of the American Revolution is a women's volunteer service organization, promoting Patriotism, Education, and Historic Preservation.

Photo courtesy of David and Gayle Woodruff

Carson City Historical Society hosts local authors and historians David and Gayle Woodruff, who will present a Chautauqua on "Snowshoe Thompson: Superhero of the Sierra" from 6:30 to 7:30 p.m. Saturday, May 11 in the Carriage House behind the Foreman-Roberts Historic House located at 1207 Carson Street, Carson City, during Mark Twain Days.

Join us at the Territorial Enterprise Mark Twain Museum located at 53 South C Street for an event filled with fun and excitement for the three days of "Mark Twain Days" in Virginia City, Nevada.

On the morning of Saturday, May 11, volunteers will fan out across the Truckee River watershed to collect and test water samples from creeks, streams, smaller lakes, and Lake Tahoe itself to take a “snapshot” of water quality at a single moment in time for this important source of drinking water and outdoor recreation.

The Douglas County Board of County Commissioners will hold a special meeting May 20 that will include the final adoption of the County Budget Fiscal Year 2024-25.