Outdoors with Don Q: Why five adults were crying Monday and Tuesday

For the record, four adults (Chuck and Barbara Van Hise, plus Don and Elaine Quilici, all of Carson City) were crying at the Van Hise home on the afternoon of October 21. And, then the following afternoon, we would be joined by my son Jim, crying at his home.

Why was everyone crying on those two fateful days in late October?
Was it because someone had died? Nope.
Was it because someone had a serious illness? Nope.
Was it because someone had a serious injury? Nope.
Was it because there had been some bad news? Nope.

It was because of a tearful reaction to something that four of us did on Monday, October 21. By way of explanation, on that fateful day, Elaine and I had been invited to be at the Van Hise home to give them a hand at 3:00 p.m.

We arrived on time and then joined Chuck and Barbara in their backyard, where Chuck and I dug in one corner of that yard. We dug up a number of weird, gnarly-looking roots, which were then washed off by Barbara with the outside garden hose.

Once all the roots were cleaned, the four of us went to the patio table where Chuck and I used potato peelers to clean the outside skin of those roots. Then, after cleaning up the mess, we all went into the kitchen, where a small production line was set up on the counter.

Chuck and I used the potato peelers to finish cleaning the outside skin of those gnarly-looking roots, Elaine cut the cleaned roots into small pieces and Barbara put all the pieces into an electric blender, together with some water, white vinegar, sour cream and a touch of salt.

Chuck turned on the blender to puree everything together, finished that part of the process, took the lid off the blender, everyone crowded around him to see the results and we all began to gasp and cry.

Why? Well, once again, I repeat:
Was it because someone had died? Nope.
Was it because someone had a serious illness? Nope.
Was it because someone had a serious injury? Nope.
Was it because there had been some bad news? Nope.
The crying was a result of the four of us having created our latest version of some super hot, homemade Horseradish.

Wow! The fumes from that mixture were overpowering and could take the paint off the side of your house!
Finally, being the bravest of the four of us, Chuck decided to take a taste, put a small dab of that terrible stuff on a spoon and swallowed it.

It was awesome!

I watched a grown man cry monster-sized tears, frantically gasp for air, clutch at his stomach, try to talk with no sound coming out of him, stagger back and take huge gulps from his non-alcoholic beer bottle. He finally wheezed something that sounded like: "That is good Horseradish."

Holy Moly! We had our own version of world-class, blistering-hot Horseradish. Elaine then tried a very small taste with almost the same reactions as Chuck: There were tears streaming down her face, her nose was running, she gasped and said that the hairs in her nostrils tingled.

Being the wisest of the four, Barbara and I declined to taste that concoction. In my case, I might be ugly but I'm not dumb!

I'm not going to put something in me that causes that kind of reaction. Thanks but no thanks!
As a matter of history, seven years ago in 2006, Chuck and I had created some of that same paint-blistering Horseradish, and at that time, I accidently dropped a small piece of a root on the kitchen floor.

"Blue," their large family dog, being the ever-vigilant opportunist that he is, and who is constantly underfoot whenever there is any food around, instantly wolfed down that piece. Within seconds, he let out a small whimper, and bolted for his water dish. He drank all of the water, crept back, laid down on his belly, continued to whimper and I could swear I saw tears in his eyes.

This time, being much older and much wiser, once we began to work in the kitchen, Blue laid down on the rug in the dining room and would not come anywhere close to the four "Mad Scientists." A very smart dog!
After dinner, Elaine and I left the Van Hise home with two small bottles of that potent Horseradish, one for us and one for my son Jim, who loves hot stuff: Habenero, Japaleno, green, red and chili peppers.

One of the two small bottles:
The next afternoon, we went to see Jim and Kathi, and while sitting outside at their home while enjoying a cocktail, I gave Jim that small bottle and told him what it was.
He took the lid off the bottle, took a big sniff and immediately said "Wow, that is some good Horseradish" as tears formed in his eyes. He said, "I'm going into the house to get a teaspoon to taste it."
When he returned, he was really teary-eyed, but happy with our culinary results and hoarsely pronounced that it was a "keeper."

Finally
I can honestly say that if you want to clear out your sinuses or keep toasty warm even in sub-zero winter weather, you might want to try making your own version of Horseradish.
Just be forewarned that it can turn out to be super hot like ours...but good.

Bet Your Favorite Pigeon
Bet your favorite pigeon that he can't tell how what kind of commercial Horseradish comes close to our stomach burning creation.
It he grins and says, "It is Atomic Extra Hot Horseradish made by Atomic Food Products," he has also gasped and cried after eating some.

— Don Quilici is the Outdoor editor for Carson Now. He can be reached at donquilici@hotmail.com. Drop him a line.