Being Well Carson City: A Resolution or a Revolution?

I recently responded to some questions from Brett Fisher, an editor and writer for Carson Now about New Year’s resolutions for an article he was writing. It was a good article about the challenges we all face whenever we want to make changes in our lives.

Determining what we would like to improve in our lives is not particularly difficult most of the time. And a lot of that focus is on things that we think will improve our feelings of physical wellness. Some of that comes from our own desires and our self-awareness of what feels good to us. But, a lot of it is driven by media messages that tend to make us feel “not good enough” unless we “do something” to look like a Kardashian or a Schwarzeneggor or some other popular character.

For example, the number of TV advertisements over the past couple of weeks promoting weight loss programs by all sorts of celebrities has been overwhelming to me. This despite the fact that I don’t watch much TV and exercise regularly in order to help manage my own stress and because it feels good to me.

But there were quite a number of years that I did not exercise regularly with any consistency. When I decided to re-engage myself in exercise, I knew that it was not going to be a speedy return to feeling like I was “in shape” whatever that means. And I knew that I was not headed for an “Arnold” body. I did it because I knew that it felt good to me to feel stronger, more mentally alert, and that I could engage in more strenuous activities such as a return to snow skiing with some stamina and competence while hoping that we would have snow this winter. Yea!

I think that for far too many people and perhaps even most of us, we have a nagging sense or feeling of not being good enough, at least in some area of our lives. In attending quite a number of professional conferences and workshops over my decades in the mental health field, a consistent theme that shows up for both attendees personally and in discussions about clients from every walk of life, rich, poor, you name it, is the pervasive feeling of “not being good enough”.

Of always being faced with this sense that “something” else needs to happen in order to feel “good enough”. That I have to get a Ph.D. if I have a Master’s Degree, or I need to lose 20 pounds, or I need to get a better and more prestigious job, or make more money or drive a better car or something. And one of the primary goals that frequently shows up in therapy for clients is improvement in feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. In other words, self-acceptance.

Pursuing more education or looking for a better job is not a problem in and of itself. The problem lies in the motivation. If we want to lose 20 pounds because we feel better when we weigh 20 pounds less, then ok. But, that rarely seems to be the case and the consistent drum beat of TV celebrities hawking body change appears to confirm it.

It is important to keep in mind the power of the media to manipulate our normal feelings and desires for acceptance and turn them into visions of physical beauty that are unrealistic and unachievable. Oprah, who is one of the most financially successful and powerful women in the world, appears to still strive for a vision of physical beauty that has eluded her for decades. When is enough, enough? When is it going to be ok for you to be you and me to be me? Now perhaps?

Pursuit of our goals, our desires and our dreams is what helps make our lives interesting and meaningful. Pursuing those things in order to feel acceptable and worthy to ourselves and seek the approval of others so that we feel like we belong diminishes our joy and tarnishes the accomplishment. And it drains our resources - energy, time, and money in the pursuit of false idols. It may be time to recognize that we have - always been and will always be “good enough”. Have a wonderful New Year!

— Kristopher Komarek, LCSW, of Carson City, specializes in parenting and family issues and child and adolescent development. Questions call 775-400-2996. He can also be reached through the website www.familywellnesscenter.net. He can be reached via email at Kristopher@familywellnesscenter.net.