Opinion: A Christmas of loss is one of gain
Submitted by Brett Fisher on Mon, 12/25/2017 - 8:44am
This Christmas marks six years since I lost a child.
The baby boy didn't die, but I nearly did inside when he left.
He was almost my child, one gavel strike away from calling him son.
I had fostered him from infancy to toddler, a total of 16 months in my care.
His story leading up to placement in my home had been nothing short of horror. It had rocked the community.
Both of his parents had been sentenced to prison for what they had done to him.
He had also been removed from family for other reasons when I got the call.
He was, to me, a miracle child.
Had there not been some divine intervention that led his parents to take him to the emergency room, the profound abuse he had suffered at their hands might not have been discovered in time and he likely would have died.
But that was neither the end of his story, nor of mine.
He arrived to me at eight months of age with developmental delays that left him functioning like a three-month old infant.
He was only supposed to be in my care for two or three weeks, and then placed with family again.
But weeks turned into months, and before I knew it, the little boy had claimed a part of me and my heart.
He had become a member of my family. At a point late in his case, a district judge had even considered my home as an adoptive placement for the boy.
Nevada law, though, was neither in my favor nor on my side. Although the judge desired for the child to remain with me, he was compelled to uphold state law.
The boy was awarded into adoptive care of family after all.
Meanwhile, I had been riding an emotional roller coaster throughout the process.
I saw the child crawl for the first time, take his first steps, say his first words, smile, laugh and play with an innocence that I hadn't experienced since I was a child.
But I had also been caught in the middle of a bitter adoption campaign. The politics of it were messy, having left me feeling empty and betrayed inside.
Losing my foster son was an agony I had never felt before.
He left my care just a few days before Christmas that year. I picked him up, hugged and kissed him for the last time.
Not at all aware of what was happening, he left me bearing his trademark smile and laugh, a memory of him I shall always treasure.
I remember sitting in church a couple of nights before. The sanctuary was sparse for that evening service, and I found myself sitting alone with my thoughts.
The pastor engaged the congregation, asking them what they were thankful for that Christmas.
I was too emotional to speak up, but I pondered his question and rendered my answer silently.
That Christmas I had experienced the true meaning of the holiday season.
Yes, it is about giving. But more than that, it's about a Father giving up His Son to the world.
Although I had been experiencing the emotions of losing a child for the past several weeks since the decision had been made, I was still trying to prepare myself for the impending loss.
I had long wondered what it must have felt like to give up a child, an only son, to a cold and cruel world. During the Christmas of 2011, I went through it myself.
I know it's not the same, and not nearly comparable to God giving up Jesus. I know the loss I felt was not the same as that of my brother and sister-in-law, who lost a son in death.
But it was loss all the same.
For each Christmas thereafter, I have approached the season with a different perspective than I had before.
Jesus tells his followers in Matthew 16:25 and Luke 17:33, "Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life will keep it."
Christmas isn't just about giving. It's about giving of oneself, giving one's life in devotion to others.
For nearly a year and a half, this baby boy had consumed much of my life. Then I had to give him up to the system.
It felt like giving up my life.
But the blessing in that loss was that my life was saved, because I had to first give it up.
The most valuable Christmas gift I have ever received was a Father giving up His Son to me, and it was the most precious gift I could give back to Him.
Warmest wishes to you and yours for Christmas blessings.
