What Works: Something under your skin? Here’s how to get it to stop crawling

Sometimes I have to use my own medicine on myself. Although much of my life is clicking along like a well-oiled machine, there is one part that is not. That gets under my skin. I get frustrated. I feel entitled. These feelings pile up within me and then, when someone says just the right thing, I want to throw up my hands and say forget it all.

In my world, this is about dating. In your world, it might be something else. It might be a relationship with a friend, family member, boss, co-worker, or classmate. Maybe it’s not a relationship at all. It could be a goal you are trying to achieve. Maybe you don’t feel like you are making progress on it. Either way, if your skin is crawling and you just want to run or lash out, today’s column is for you.

We live in an on-demand society. Our television is on-demand. We can even skip the commercials. We can instant message anyone we want at pretty much any time of day. Gone are the days of needing to be home to have someone get in touch with you. Dating is pretty instantaneous too. A few swipes right and you can meet someone for dinner. In an instant gratification society, there’s one trait we have to be conscious in developing. That’s trait is GRIT.

Last year, Angela Duckworth, a researcher, released at book called “Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance.” In the book, she reveals a shocking truth. It’s not IQ, or money, or even social support that makes a person successful. In essence, it’s a trait called grit. It’s the ability to press forward no matter what the circumstances. It’s the ability to feel your skin crawling, breathe, and do it anyway knowing the prize is much greater than the pain.

This can be applied to anything: diets, exercise, relationships, business — anything.

The New York Times released a quiz to tell where you sit on Duckworth’s grit scale. You can take it here. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2016/03/01/us/01grit-quiz.html

My results shocked me. I was a 3.5 on the grit scale out of 5. After I took the test, I started to see why my score was so low. When my skin crawls, I don’t lean into the discomfort as much as I should. I don’t develop the courage to stay.

This fact was made very real to me as I was doing yoga with Allie Reitz. Allie owns Community Yogi, a local company which brings pay what you think it’s worth yoga to public community spaces in both Carson City and Reno. There’s this yoga pose called Crow.

Basically, it’s an arm balance where you crouch down, press the knees into bent arms, and you lean forward. This balances all your weight onto your arms and your feet hover off the ground. I have been trying to do this pose for months, but never really had the courage to get my feet off the ground. Yesterday, I got my feet up very quickly. She said, “you could stay in the pose for five breaths right now, but instead of staying you just give up.” Wow.

Here’s the key to get your skin to stop crawling no matter why its crawling. Breathe. Realize you have the power within yourself to get through anything. Address how you might need to course correct, if you do. And, no matter what, persevere. This goes for anything you really want out of your life. It’s all about daily practice, being gentle with yourself, and realizing it might take 100 tries or 1,000. But the true winners treat life like a marathon versus a sprint.

So there, I’ve taught myself something. Perhaps I’ve helped you as well. If so, I’d like to hear what you are trying or struggling with which requires grit. I’d love to know what you scored on the grit scale. As always, if you need help, we can do this thing together.

What Works Coaching

Diane Dye Hansen is the Chief Inspiration Officer of What Works Coaching, an individual and organizational coaching and consulting firm based in Carson City. She has 20 years of experience working with top corporations, growing businesses, motivated entrepreneurs, and individuals hungry for a fresh start. Diane holds a Bachelor’s in Business Administration and Marketing from Cal State San Bernardino. She is also a candidate for a Master’s degree in Communications Management from the University of Southern California. Her column appears every Monday, and sometimes Tuesday, in Carson Now.