What Works: Are you being kind to yourself?
Submitted by editor on Tue, 07/15/2014 - 8:42am
This weekend provided a lesson in self-kindness I will never forget. It started with a group hike at Upper Thomas Creek Trail.
Hiking with a group, I thought, would make the experience more enjoyable. Unfortunately, initially, it didn't. It wasn't because of the group. It was because of what went on in my head as a result. In an effort to try to keep up with more experienced hikers, I focused outside myself and pushed myself too hard to keep up.
This action turned up the volume on my negative self-talk machine. I was in that mode little over a mile-and-a-half and 500 feet of vertical when my body yelled "stop" louder than the self-talk could deny. Thankfully, I listened.
The hike back was much more enjoyable. It was mostly downhill. So I could pause, enjoy the trail, dip my hands in the creek, and take photos. I realized when I stopped the chatter in my head and tuned in to what my body wanted, which is what I really wanted, the experience was much more enjoyable.
There are consequences to being unkind to yourself. Should I have pushed myself beyond my ability to keep up with the group? No. I hurt today. I'm walking like a newborn baby deer and I wince when I move. That hurt had a trickle-down effect on my attitude toward myself, too. I started criticizing other aspects of my life. Finally, I got up and engaged in some self-care. The crap didn't stop flowing immediately. But it did. Now, I can apply what I learned from it to help you.
See, the same principle applies to business. As entrepreneurs, we push hard anyway. It's in our nature. But, in pushing so hard, ask yourself this. Are you putting yourself or your business in pain? Are you stretching in places you shouldn’t be for the simple fact that you think you should do it?
I’ve been reading a book called “Profit First” by one of my mentors Mike Michalowicz. He wrote “The Toilet Paper Entrepreneur” and “The Pumpkin Plan.” He asserts that, in the throes of wanting to grow or get more cash in the bank, we may push ourselves to take on clients or do projects that don’t suit us. We do it because we feel we need to—to get more money or to be a competitive as we think we should be.
Instead of propelling us forward, it becomes a painful cycle. When we don’t pay ourselves first (or be kind to ourselves first) we end up hurting more than helping. The same principle applied in my case. Instead of feeling great because I finished hiking the trail, I pushed too hard and turned around after a mile-and-a-half. Now, because I pushed so hard, I hurt. Lessons are everywhere.
What is your metric for success? Are you putting yourself in pain by “shoulding” yourself to death, thinking you should have more customers, grow faster, offer more products?
Is your laundry list growing from there? If you don't have a business, are you "shoulding" all over yourself at work, in relationships, or in your life in general? Are you being easy or hard on yourself today? How are you talking to yourself? Are you pushing yourself into areas you don’t need to be in because you feel there will be some outside benefit? Look within yourself to find the answer. If you have an experience to share, comment below. The floor is yours, Carson City.
ABOUT DIANE HANSEN
Diane Hansen is the Chief Inspiration Officer of What Works Coaching, a coaching firm that has helped people worldwide with their businesses, careers, mindsets, and profit margins. She brings to Carson City more than 17 years of experience with a wide array of clients, ranging from top corporations, motivated entrepreneurs and individuals hungry for a fresh start. Her column appears every Monday (and sometimes Tuesday) on Carson Now.
