What Works: Trust unlocks the door of fear

The other day, I was watching Katy Perry’s music video for the song “Rise.” The video shows Perry looking strong, strapped to a large red parachute that is pulling her upright, up into the air. She smiles. But then life happens. She’s grounded. She’s crawling through the dirt, hanging off the edge of a cliff. She’s drowning in water. It seems things get worse and worse. The one thing she doesn’t do is leave the chute behind. That parachute we all have has a name. It’s TRUST.

Trust unlocks the door of fear.

No matter what situation we are in, if we can trust ourselves and our ability to figure it out, we can find our way through fear. This doorway is one we must walk through to experience what I call Critical Opportunity. Sometimes, when we touch our tender edges, we stand to gain the most from our choices.

How do you create trust?

First, realize there is one thing in this world you can control. You can only control YOU. Your thoughts, feelings, emotions, beliefs, and actions are all your own. Dr. William Glasser said, in “Choice Theory” that we are choice driven beings. That choice is motivated by our self-interest. That means, the lack of trust you may be experiencing right now, has been justified as being in your interest. Is it in your best interest? Play it through.

— Play through the worst outcome. Go ahead. Ruin yourself. Play it out. What’s the worst think that could happen if you took this step? Would you waste time on a project that would fail? Would you ruin your reputation with it? Our brains are fantastic at writing horror stories. Give yourself permission to write it out just this once.

— What are you afraid of losing? What was the loss in that scenario? When you discover what you are protecting, you can unlock what the real value is in the situation.

— TRUST FLIP it from LOSS to GAIN. Now that you can feel fully what you would lose, what would you gain if you took the chance? Even if the worst case scenario happened, what would you gain in terms of knowledge, connection, or awareness? What would you lose if you DIDN’T take the chance?

— What steps of the process do you FEAR? Often, its not the thing itself but some step toward the thing itself. This step is often the point where we didn’t trust.

— Enjoy the learning experience. How can you enjoy learning from the experience versus fearing it? When you bring a little curiosity, fun, and joy to a new experience, fear begins to drop away.

— How are you afraid it won’t go well? If you enjoy the learning experience, how are you afraid you won’t enjoy it?

— How can this fulfill you regardless of outcome? How can your decision contribute to your personal growth, the growth of others, or make something better in the world? Sometimes we have to get out of our ego bubble and look at how our world can get bigger when we open our hearts and do something without a tie to the outcome. It’s when we lean in that the love can pour out.

Let me give you an example.

My Fear: I had been terrified to put out my book proposal. Fear of judgement, or worse silence, has kept things locked up for a few months now. Still, my theory screamed to be heard. I walked myself through this process and, this week, I am signing with a book agent.

I would NOT have done this if I would have stayed locked in lack of trust: in myself, in my theory, in an agent who would resonate with and want to represent my work.

My Fear of Loss: I was afraid of losing face, embarrassment, loss of self-esteem, money, and a lot of time.

My Trust Flip: By flipping it, I saw that taking the chance could result in me helping far more people than I could without a book published through a major house. This would support me in my calling.

The Fear-Filled Step: The step I feared was the grind of it all. I’ve built a pretty great, grind free, life. Yes, I work hard but I do so in flow.

Enjoying It: I decided to enjoy the learning experience by hiring the help, an agent who could sell the manuscripts of my book and workbook to a publisher who would handle the part of the grind I didn’t want, editing, formatting, packaging, and distribution. I have 20 years of experience in marketing. I can market all day long. But that other bit, ick!

Outcome Fear: I am fearful it won’t go well in that once a publisher owns my work, they own it. But I also have to trust that they want to sell books as badly as I do. They don’t want to lose money as much as I don’t. We are on the same team.

Outcome Faith: But, regardless of outcome, this would fulfill me. I would be able to send my mom to a book store in San Antonio, Texas where my book will be on the shelves. I will have the experience of doing what it takes to bring something very real and helpful into the world on a larger scale.

I can feel my parachute inflating already!

Develop your trust and defeat fear by using the process above. What decisions did you come to? Think it. Say it. Live it! The floor is yours, Carson City.

SAY HELLO AND GET INSPIRED IN PERSON

Spring into action on your business! Entrepreneur’s Assembly, Carson City chapter meets Wednesday, April 11, 2018 in The Studio at Adams Hub for Innovation and every second Wednesday of each month. Free mastermind group voted Entrepreneur’s Assembly Chapter of the Year 2017. 5:30 p.m.

Motivation Monday returns to Adams Hub for Innovation April 2nd. Email grow@adamshub.comto schedule two free 30-minute sessions or one free hour to help you with your career, business, or life.

Need motivation for your team? Customized talks, workshops, and consulting programs are available. Schedule a complimentary consultation at whatworkscoaching.com.

What Works Coaching
Diane Dye Hansen is the Chief Inspiration Officer of What Works Coaching, an individual and organizational coaching and consulting firm based in Carson City, Nevada. She has 20 years of experience working with top corporations, growing businesses, motivated entrepreneurs, and individuals hungry for a fresh start. She is also the creator of DOCS Theory, also known as The Theory of CrappertunityTM, a mindset and change theory which defines the moment crisis creates more opportunity than would have existed without the crisis.

Diane holds a Bachelor’s in Business Administration and Marketing from Cal State San Bernardino and a Masters in Communication Management from the University of Southern California. She is also the Chief Executive Officer of What Works Recruitment, a company which specializes in filling hard-to-fill positions and fitting talent with culture. Her column appears every Monday, and sometimes Tuesday, in Carson Now.