Pine Nuts with McAvoy Layne: You might be surprised to learn who invented the brassiere clasp
Submitted by Jeff Munson on Tue, 02/23/2021 - 9:50am
The inventor of the brassiere clasp was an American icon who gets no credit for this singular foundation garment fastener, nada, zippo! It remains a travesty of history that this oversight has been ignored for so long, and the time has come to shed a bright light on the petrified truth.
Sadly, this American icon wanted to become a titan of industry, an inventor in the image of Nikola Tesla and Thomas Edison. But as this inventor once admitted, "I never saw an opportunity until it had ceased to be one, and whenever I got in on the ground floor of a commercial venture, there was an SOB in the basement."
Allow us to finally reveal in 2021 this 150 year old patent of 1871, as we start to unravel the origins of the now ubiquitous bra clasp.
Your first question might be, "So how much money did the inventor make on this contrivance that has proved to be so universally popular?"
Again, nada, zippo! The inventor's brassiere clasp did not become popular until well after the inventor had been promoted to glory. Don't ask me what they did before the clasp, for I could not even begin to imagine.
Your next question might be, "So is there any way to remunerate the inventor's family for lost revenue as we revisit this heretofore unrecognized patent?"
Well, no, there are no direct descendants. But there is an impressionist of this inventor who is alive and well as of this writing, and who is eager to donate 100% of due royalties to charity.
So let's do the math. Let's say half of the world's 8 billion people are women, and each woman has purchased at least one bra in her lifetime, let's say two. That's 8 billion bras at $35 the last time I looked, I mean checked. That's 280 billion dollars. If the inventor of the bra clasp were to realize 1% in lost income, that would amount to 2.8 billion dollars, and 2.8 billion dollars would go a long way toward feeding the hungry and sheltering the homeless right now.
Therefore, as an impressionist of the inventor of the brassiere clasp, one Samuel L. Clemens, I am preparing to accept lost revenues, and donate the entire amount of said reclaimed revenues to foodbanks and homeless shelters across America in the name of Mark Twain.
Now, I just need to find me a reliable attorney, and I shall start that search first thing in the morning. Please do contact me if you happen to know of an attorney who will work for cigars.
— For more than 30 years, in over 4,000 performances, columnist and Chautauquan McAvoy Layne has been dedicated to preserving the wit and wisdom of “The Wild Humorist of the Pacific Slope,” Mark Twain. As Layne puts it: “It’s like being a Monday through Friday preacher, whose sermon, though not reverently pious, is fervently American.”
