What Works: Everything you want is on the other side of fear

I just got back from a great trip to the Bay area. What may surprise you is, fear almost talked me out of it. Fear told me my car had been feeling kind of funny and maybe needed a once over from a mechanic before the trip. Fear told me I haven’t seen the friends I was meeting for a long time.

What if it was just awkward? Fear told me that I would be wearing the opposing team’s jersey in a sea of red. And, win or lose, I’d be a sitting duck. Fear told me I didn’t have the money. Fear told me some weather was coming and it might not be safe. Fear told me it would be weird staying at an AirBnb in a shared room. Fear wanted to limit my experience. And, if I didn’t have the tools to flip fear on its face, fear would have won.

This is about more than football or even travelling. It’s about what happens when you want something and the committee in your head says NO. The litany of reasons fall from the sky like ticker tape in a parade telling you why you shouldn’t do it. And, then, you come to a crossroads. You have to make a choice. Time gets short. Sooner or later, if we don’t decide, time decides for us. The simple answer of procrastination is always, NO. Fear wins and you lose experience.

This is a real situation. Fear was trying to keep me from my first live NFL game. Instead of me screaming my head off, it wanted me safe in Carson City. I had a graduate due and a project for one of my clients. Fear sells a good argument. It likes to show disaster movies about the COST of experience. It likes to tell you why you are better off listening to it instead of your heart.

Your heart gets you in trouble.

Yeah, maybe. But it also leads you where you want to go.

LOVE is the opposite of fear. Fear tried to tell me that going to the game didn’t matter to me. Yeah, I’ve been a fan my whole life. Fear told me I was kidding myself. I didn't let fear lie to me.

I had to take action. I stayed up until midnight to finish my grad school project. I made sure I would be stationary for my 8 am client call this morning. I rescheduled some things. All this was good progress. It wasn’t until I made the decision to book my AirBnb, pre-purchase my parking space, top off with engine coolant, and drive myself to the gas station that things shifted. Fear released its grip and excitement took over.

That is the tipping point where limitation becomes experience.

In the past, I have written about how I go off and do things alone. I go whitewater rafting. I watch movies. I go out and have an adventure.

Does the fear committee speak to me? Hell, yeah. The chorus gets awfully loud. But, because I have that tool. I can flip the script on fear. I think about what I would lose if I didn't go. I use the same horror movie script fear uses to play a reel about not experiencing what I want. Then, I use that fuel to take action. I drive myself from tipping point of fear to excitement. As a result, I get to have some pretty cool experiences.

What happened? Well, my car didn’t break down. In fact, I had a great road trip in and I have more confidence that my vehicle is in good shape for my trip to Southern California next month. Upon getting to Santa Clara, I had amazing wings at a place featured on Man vs Food.

I got into an in-depth conversation with a software developer I shared my room with at the place I found on AirBnb. It may have inspired my topic for my Master’s thesis! I went to the game and I wasn’t the only blue shirt in the crowd. The home/away team split was about 50/50. I got compliments on the throwback jersey I decided to wear. My friends were happy to see me and we had just as much fun as ever. And, I made new friends. A group from Carson City, Gardnerville, and South Lake Tahoe were sitting in the row behind me!

Yeah, getting past fear has its rewards. You never know how reality will surprise you.

This week: What have you been fearing? What haven’t you tried because the mental cons outweigh the pull of your heart? Pick one thing.

Point out what you would have to lose if you didn’t do it for the rest of your life. Then, take some tiny steps to accomplish the thing you fear. Maybe it’s love. Maybe it’s a trip.

Maybe it’s trying a new restaurant. We aren’t talking high adventure here (unless that is what you have been fearing). Start small. Everything you want is on the other side of fear. Do you have the courage to go get what you want?

What Works Coaching
Diane Dye Hansen is the Chief Inspiration Officer of What Works Coaching, a business coaching and marketing services firm based in Carson City. She has 20 years of experience working with top corporations, growing businesses, motivated entrepreneurs, and individuals hungry for a fresh start. Diane holds a Bachelor’s in Business Administration and Marketing from Cal State San Bernardino. She is also a candidate for a Master’s degree in Communications Management from the University of Southern California. Her column appears every Monday, and sometimes Tuesday, in Carson Now.