Pine Nuts: Church of Divined Connections
Submitted by Jeff Munson on Sun, 06/02/2024 - 5:06pm
Inspired by Carson City’s, “Connections,” a friend of mine, Baobab, is constructing an emerging theology, and has agreed to an interview.
Question: “So how does one welcome folks into a brand-new religion?”
Baobab: “We welcome everybody to The Church of Divined Connections, Epicenter of Engagement in Empathy Toward Earth.
Check your hate card at the door, relax your mind, and share your optimism for the future.
Entering our Epicenter involves merging an equanimity of mind & heart, focusing that equanimity on preserving the Natural World, and becoming better stewards of our planet.”
When asked for thoughts on religion, Baobab proffered, “We don’t talk much about religion. God and Mother Nature
are perfectly good words for the same thing, and we have to look out after our mother.”
When pressed for thoughts on heaven & hell, Baobab tendered, “Heaven is found in an absence of violence on Earth, whereas hell is found in every occurrence of violence.”
When solicited for thoughts on politics, Baobab volunteered, “We don’t talk a lot about politics, but if all politicians
were as charitable as my political friends, well, we would have no need for Food Stamps.”
When importuned for thoughts on proxy warfare, Baobab exclaimed, “All warfare is antiquated. War only engenders regret on both sides. Even the undertaker is left bereft. And so we need engagement in empathy.”
When prompted for thoughts on law, Baobab confessed, “We don’t know much about law as yet, but we’re confident that complete presidential immunity will be assured, when the president knows right from wrong.”
When requested for thoughts on abortion, Baobab opined, “Men are always weighing in on this issue, whereas they are the very ones who caused the problem. Men should not be deciding this critical issue.
Women should not be deciding this critical issue. To my mind, this difficult decision should be determined by one woman.”
When implored for thoughts on climate, Baobab counselled, “The cavalier attitude, ‘Climate is not my problem,’ turns out to be complicity toward increasing devastation. An improved attitude and resulting engagement will help us repair our sick atmosphere.”
When intreated for thoughts on violence, Baobab intimated, “Violence never solves problems, only intensifies them.
Discourse will henceforth become the all-powerful problem solver.”
When beseeched for thoughts on the internet, Baobab implied, “Eye to eye, person to person contact will cool social discourse, and will be the saving of a world worth saving.”
When begged for thoughts on the media, Baobab smiled, “Disney owns ABC News, Warner Bros. owns CNN News,
and Paramount owns CBS News. When our news networks are owned by entertainment companies, what do we get?
Drumroll please.”
Interestingly, before I could wind-up the interview, and file it with various news outlets there was a knock at the door.
Several reporters were lined-up outside wanting an interview with our friend Baobab. One wag indicated to me that The Church of Divined Connections was going viral and quite possibly could put a lid on violence as a problem solver for today and ever after.
It seems where most religions are built upon the past, the Church of Divined Connections is building upon the future, and that is appealing to a new generation of thinkers.
Finally, not unlike a UNR basketball bobblehead, I concurred, and went merrily on my way, all the while wishing every success to Baobab and this new forward-looking religion.
— For more than 35 years, in more than 4,000 performances, columnist and Chautauquan McAvoy Layne has been dedicated to preserving the wit and wisdom of “The Wild Humorist of the Pacific Slope,” Mark Twain. As Layne puts it: “It’s like being a Monday through Friday preacher, whose sermon, though not reverently pious, is fervently American."
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