What Works: Avoid the Pain, Talk it Out
Submitted by editor on Mon, 12/01/2014 - 12:03pm
This weekend, I was blessed to have someone be wonderfully, brutally but, at the same time, respectfully honest with me. At first, pure honesty can be jarring. It’s almost like we have been trained to expect a candy-coated version of the truth or no honesty at all. I was reminded of what a gift communication is and how, when it doesn’t take place, resentment, negative self-talk, and assumption can build up like a bad round of Tetris.
When you communicate, you let others know the rules of the game. It’s like trying to play the game of “Life” by ignoring the instructions and action cards. It’s a lot of rolling of the dice, stress, and slow progress. Ultimately, you just want to leave the board and take your little plastic car with you.
Lack of communication can result in poor or, at best, weak boundaries. This can happen in any situation or relationship. It can even happen at work. Have you ever tried to do “your best” for a boss who has unclear expectations? It’s kind of a nightmare, isn’t it?
If something is creepy crawling under your skin, it’s a good indication that you need to talk it out with the subject of the creepy crawlies. When you do, find a private spot. Keep the conversation focused on you, with “I statements.”
For example, in a work situation: I want to do my best for this company and would like to do a pulse-check to make sure I am performing to your expectations. I appreciate your feedback and would welcome additional guidance.
With this type of open approach, a conversation is sure to flow. If the subject matter is sensitive, you might reassure the person you are speaking to that your conversation is a safe space. Of course, you will need to be sure to keep everything said in that conversation confidential to keep that trust. However, just a little reassurance can help some people open up.
When you talk it out, instead of avoiding, coming to your own conclusions, or (worse) taking action based on your assumptions, you strengthen the lines of communication with the people in your life and business.
Today, identify someone you need to talk it out with. How can you communicate what is needed in a loving, tactful, and respectful manner? How can you help them feel safe in the conversation so you can feel safe yourself? The floor is yours, Carson City.
ABOUT DIANE HANSEN
Diane Hansen is the Chief Inspiration Officer of What Works Coaching, a coaching firm that has helped people worldwide with their businesses, careers, mindsets, and profit margins. She brings to Carson City more than 17 years of experience with a wide array of clients, ranging from top corporations, motivated entrepreneurs and individuals hungry for a fresh start. Her column appears every Monday, and sometimes Tuesday, on Carson Now.
