Pine Nuts with McAvoy Layne: Adios King George, it's time to celebrate Independence Day
Submitted by Jeff Munson on Mon, 06/26/2023 - 6:44am
A message to my fellow menfolk: Shun the fireworks. Everybody knows all the bodies exhumed from Pompeii were men. When Vesuvius erupted the women fled, while the men gathered together in the courtyard to watch the eruption, and place bets on how long it would last.
Women, bless their good souls, have never taken an interest in fireworks, nor have dogs. A dog will usually run and hide behind a toilet when the fireworks start. My aunt Mildred sat down on a toilet during the fireworks once, and a weenie dog licked her leg. Her mind was never the same.
I caution the gentle reader with this caveat from Mark Twain, “We call April first, ‘All Fool’s Day.’ Well, that is a misnomer, because statistics show we lose more fools on the 4th of July than all the other holidays of the year put together.”
Thanks to the Declaration of Independence, signed on July 4th, 1776, we have no monarchs to bow down to in this country, unless we count Beyonce and Taylor Swift, who also tax us, if not in the same manner that royalty used to tax us.
I've had the honor of reading the Declaration of Independence on the Fourth at various public forums over the years, with one reading culminating in a Marine Corps flyover that gave me chicken-skin all over. Over the years I have fallen in love with that wonderful olde bulwark, particularly Jefferson's words, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."
I don’t care what you want to tell me about Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemings, the guy was a brick!
By the way, as a note of interest, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams died on the same day, July 4th, exactly fifty years following their signing of the Declaration of Independence. Not coincidentally, Samuel Clemens died during the perihelial passage of Haley’s Comet, which was his expressed desire.
The point being, if there’s something in the future you’d like to live to see and celebrate, mark that date on your calendar today with a permanent marker. Chances are, you will live to see that event, and celebrate it.
I try to keep in mind what we are celebrating on this July Fourth, freedom from that egregious old ass, King George, but more importantly, we celebrate our freedoms, and those who sacrificed so dearly to secure and protect those freedoms.
This year, 2023, let us treat ourselves to a spectacular and safe SkyShow starting at 7pm on the evening of the 4th at the Incline Village Ridgeline Ball Fields. And let us lift our glasses sotto voce in honor of our veterans, those with us, and those having gone to the Great Beyond. Semper Fi! See you at the parade!
— For more than 30 years, in over 4,000 performances, columnist and Chautauquan McAvoy Layne has been dedicated to preserving the wit and wisdom of “The Wild Humorist of the Pacific Slope,” Mark Twain. As Layne puts it: “It’s like being a Monday through Friday preacher, whose sermon, though not reverently pious, is fervently American."
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