What Works: Let your Yes be Yes, and your No be No
People pleasing: Do you like to do it? Not many of us like to let others down. However, people pleasing leads to a much a bigger let down in the long haul. We overbook ourselves. We cross our own boundaries. We end up doing work we hate. What’s the solution?
Let your yes be a resounding, joyful yes, and let your no be a firm yet compassionate no.
“Diane,” you might be thinking, “this is easier said than done! I want them to be happy. And I don’t want the stress of saying no.” Let me ask you a question. How unhappy would they be if you said yes, but really meant no?
How unhappy would YOU be? What if you overbooked yourself and couldn’t meet all of your commitments? What if you agreed to something outside of your skill set and realized that “fake it until you make it” was NOT the best strategy?
How much would you struggle unnecessarily? What if, what you said yes to, was so outside your core beliefs that you felt uncomfortable every second you were doing it? That wouldn’t be very fun.
What is a Yes?
A “yes” is something:
— You have the time to do.
— You want to do or at least are very excited about trying to do.
— Are clear and confident about your capabilities in doing.
— Get even more energy from doing it.
Yeses are not:
— Anxiety producing
— Time-crunched
— Outside of you or your team’s ability
— Absolutely draining
If you feel something a yes and it’s not, you are experiencing the dissonance (feeling of mismatch) of a NO.
So, how do you prevent saying yes when you mean no or even maybe?
Communication is the key to any successful relationship, whether it is with your spouse, a colleague, or within a potential business contract. Rate your opportunity from 1 to 5. 1 means you aren’t feeling it at all. 5 means it feels great and is an absolute yes.
Here are your rating questions.
— Do I have the time to do this?
— Do I want to do this or am I excited about trying this?
— Am I clear that I can do this or am at least willing to communicate if I am struggling?
— Will I get energy from this?
Score your opportunity and let your yes be yes and your no be no. If it’s still a maybe, you need more information! Ask questions until you have a clear decision. What decisions are you facing this week? If this article helped you make a choice, I would love to know about it. The floor is yours, Carson City.
What Works Coaching
Diane Dye Hansen is the Chief Inspiration Officer of What Works Coaching, an individual and organizational coaching and consulting firm based in Carson City, Nevada. She has 20 years of experience working with top corporations, growing businesses, motivated entrepreneurs, and individuals hungry for a fresh start. She is also the creator of DOCS Theory, also known as The Theory of CrappertunityTM, a mindset and change theory which defines the moment crisis creates more opportunity than would have existed without the crisis.
Diane holds a Bachelor’s in Business Administration and Marketing from Cal State San Bernardino and a Masters in Communication Management from the University of Southern California. She is also the Chief Executive Officer of What Works Recruitment, a company which specializes in filling hard-to-fill positions and fitting talent with culture. Her column appears every Monday, and sometimes Tuesday, in Carson Now.