Pine Nuts with McAvoy Layne: Seeking a Russia, Ukraine ceasefire
Submitted by Jeff Munson on Sun, 08/13/2023 - 4:53pm
Kathryn Kelly, founder and executive director of Carson City’s I-School, brought a Russian family by for An Evening with Mark Twain, and I fell in love with them.
So the following morning, hoping Nikolai might be willing to translate into Russian, I penned letters to Presidents Putin and Zelensky asking for an audience, and yes, Nikolai is in fact translating as we speak. I thought too, I had better check in with the DOJ and State Department to be sure I’m following protocol, should I actually receive that invitation.
Email Subject: Wanting to do the Right Thing
Dear friends at DOJ,
As a 35-year impressionist of Mark Twain, and about to retire, I thought I should reach out to Russia and Ukraine as a private citizen and goodwill ambassador. So, I composed the following letter to Presidents Putin and Zelensky.
Dear Presidents Putin and Zelensky,
As a private citizen, and 35-year impressionist of Mark Twain, I do hereby request an invitation to Moscow and Kiev, to abet the implementing of a ceasefire in Ukraine, and, the erecting of a Mark Twain statue in Odessa.
My bags are packed with two roses, and two copies of The Innocents Abroad.
It is with utmost sincerity and regard that I remain, Your friend in finding and maintaining peace,
— McAvoy Layne
Also, the Russian people love Mark Twain, as I found out years ago with a visit there to lecture at Leningrad University in Saint Petersburg. They even issued a domestic Twain postage stamp in 1960.
I feel a little like Don Quixote tilting at windmills, but if I do receive that invitation, I want to be sure I am following State Department and DOJ guidelines and protocol.
Please instruct.
Your friend in peace,
McAvoy Layne as Mark Twain
PS: A six-month ceasefire will not be used as a subterfuge to provide combatants an opportunity to better position themselves for a moment when hostilities might resume. No, this ceasefire will be predicated on producing a lasting truce to recognize the principles of sovereignty and territorial integrity, while protecting speech, religion and press.
And, I shall remain eager to assist in the erection of a Mark Twain statue in Odessa once the ceasefire becomes a lasting truce.
— For more than 30 years, in over 4,000 performances, columnist and Chautauquan McAvoy Layne has been dedicated to preserving the wit and wisdom of “The Wild Humorist of the Pacific Slope,” Mark Twain. As Layne puts it: “It’s like being a Monday through Friday preacher, whose sermon, though not reverently pious, is fervently American."
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