What Works: 3 Types of Confidence and How to Authentically Use Them

Last night, I had a moment to get quiet with myself and do some research. This research led me down the path of learning three types of confidence from a relationship expert named Matthew Hussey. Hussey has been all over the world teaching relationship psychology.He has been a guest on the TODAY Show and is Cosmopolitan magazine’s relationship columnist. Today’s column is about the most important relationship in your life, the one with yourself.

As I was watching videos and reading material, I started thinking about Hussey’s three types of confidence and how they acted as a trigger to go up or down the spirals in my theory, DOCS Theory or The Theory of Crappertunity.

I discuss it all, and do a bit of live coaching, in today’s Motivation Monday video. https://youtu.be/aKbKZBvC7e4

Surface Confidence: This is how you present yourself. It’s how you dress, how you speak, eye contact, posture, whether you smile or not, and whether you hug, shake hands, or none of the above. This is the “you” that you decide to show the world. Now, I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “fake it til you make it.” My belief is if your surface confidence is fake, non-authentic, its going to do more harm than good in the long run. You won’t be able to maintain it. It will drain your energy. Instead, find a way for your surface confidence to acknowledge what is true for you.

Lifestyle Confidence: This all the outside stuff. It’s what you do for a living, your relationship, your family, the car you drive, the house you live in, and the degrees you have. American society reinforces lifestyle confidence as somewhat of a report card of success. Unfortunately, any of these things can go away in the blink of an eye. A lot of critical situations are caused by elements of lifestyle confidence slipping away. Building confidence on lifestyle feels great when its going right and terrible when life isn’t meeting our expectations. That’s why the third type of confidence is so important.

Core Confidence: This is what you are made of. If you were stranded on a desert island it’s the stuff no one can take away from you. In today’s Motivation Monday, two ladies decided to participate. One identified connection and creativity as sources for her core confidence. The other identified helping, which is really compassion and kindness, as her sources. What are your sources? What keeps you generating energy without anyone else around to feed you?

How this relates to my theory.

The first element of the downward spiral of failure is denial, disavowal (justification), and ego. Faking it is a product of the ego. We fake it because we aren’t enough. Or we fake it because we have a need to show how good we are. It’s exhausting! It’s exhausting to be what everyone else wants us to be, to package our lifestyles to keep up with the Joneses. It’s exhausting to feel the need to appear like the perfect (fill in the blank here) or do what is expected. Doing this over an extended period of time, not feeling you have the right to be the beautiful being you are, results in the continuation down the spiral: numbing and dissociation. Soon, we don’t know who we are anymore.

On the flip side, the first element of the upward spiral (Crappertunity) is awareness, consciousness, and humility. Truth is powerful stuff. If your surface confidence matches your truth, you can acknowledge your feelings to others. If you don’t want to be hugged, you can say no to it without fear. If you are a public speaker, you can hop up on stage and share your message. If you are feeling sick, you can give yourself permission to care for yourself. Additionally, your lifestyle confidence will not be your sense of being. If your business is struggling, your identity won’t be struggling right along with it. If your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you, it’s not the end of the world. You know who you are and your value outside of another human being. When you have a consciousness, awareness, and humility about who you are without that outside stuff, you can stand strong in the face of any storm.

Opportunity may knock. But you might have some Crappertunity sticking to your life right now and you don’t even know it! It’s everywhere.

Events in Carson City
Get a free Crappertunity Strategic Action Plan at http://crappertunity.mykajabi.com

Motivation Monday with Diane Dye Hansen at Adams Hub for Innovation from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. (Up to two free 30-minute face to face sessions. Email grow@adamshub.com to schedule an appointment) – Resumes two weeks after Thanksgiving.

Motivation Yoga with Allie Reitz at Adams Hub for Innovation at noon each Monday in The Studio. Choose your price yoga. (Resumes after Thanksgiving) www.communityyogi.com.

Dec. 13, 2017: Entrepreneurs Assembly at Adam’s Hub for Innovation, inside The Studio. 5:30 pm, free mastermind group.

January 19, 2018: Diane Dye Hansen’s 3rd Annual Visions and Intentions Workshop – Vision Boards, Live Group Coaching, and Intention Setting for 2018 - Cost $20. Go here to learn more and to purchase tickets.

2018: Be on the lookout for Crappertunity Classes during Lunchbox Learning at Adams Hub for Innovation. We’ll be studying upward spiral topics like Studying Your Business and Customer, Dealing with the Unexpected, The Control Factor, Network: Grow Build Nurture, Strategic Planning, Company Culture Building, Process Building, and so much more. Go here for information.

What Works Coaching

Diane Dye Hansen is the Chief Inspiration Officer of What Works Coaching, an individual and organizational coaching and consulting firm based in Carson City. She has 20 years of experience working with top corporations, growing businesses, motivated entrepreneurs, and individuals hungry for a fresh start. Diane holds a Bachelor’s in Business Administration and Marketing from Cal State San Bernardino. She is also a candidate for a Master’s degree in Communications Management from the University of Southern California. Her column appears every Monday, and sometimes Tuesday, in Carson Now.