Movie Review: 'Conan the Barbarian' flashes swords and other ideas

"Conan the Barbarian" is currently wielding swords and other death weapons at the Fandango Galaxy cineplex in Carson City.

And no, if you thought this was a re-release of the Arnold Schwarzenegger film of the 1980s, it's not. It a new bloody, murderous revival of the franchise but since Arnold isn't up to murder and mayhem these days we have a new Conan, two of them actually, one in his teens and the other the Conan out on a bloody roll.

Conan this time as an adult is Jason Momoa, as muscular and stalwart as a barbarian could want to be. He's big and he's tough and if his acting is pretty much limited to frowning and baring teeth, he fits this whole disjointed outing pretty neatly.

Director Marcus Nispel obviously is good at keeping the monsters, human and otherwise, moving about from the opening sequence where a necklace of human heads is on display for Conan the teen (Leo Howard).

Lots of weird characters abound here, including Stephen Lang as Khlar Zym with makeup enough to scare off anyone with eyes. He is helped in his search for a missing part of a crown by his sleek witch-daughter Marique (Rose McGowan) who carries a deadly set of sharp, long and curving fingernails (the better to kill you with).

Then there's the lovely Tamara (Rachel Nichols) who beds or is bedded by Conan (hard to tell from the bedding scene). And there is the occasional narration by Morgan Freeman (how he got roped into this can only be explained by money), which spasmodically helps carry the plot (such as it since isn't much when you consider three men are credited as writers) along to its very bloody and violent end.

Acting isn't really important here. Bulging muscles and beauty in the person of Nichols carries the day. Ron Perlman as Conan's father almost gives the game away by actually acting. But Nichols does do more than be beautiful, she gets in the violance and wields a nifty sword while barely getting s scratch on one cheek.

There's a bonus here for the S&M types with Nichols spread-eagled on wheel, showing a desire to entertain all segments of the audience. There is also enough bare breasts to keep the male audience alert.

Well, good or bad movie. Anything with all this action, crumbling castles and weird settings can't be all bad. But that doesn't mean it is all good. Chalk it up to summer fare, nothing to disturb the intellect but something to last through a bag of popcorn. You can sum it up on Conan's motto: “I live. I love. I slay…I am content.” --- Conan The Barbarian
---Sam Bauman

Cast
• Jason Momoa as Conan
◦ Leo Howard as Young Conan
• Rachel Nichols as Tamara: A beautiful and studious novitiate of a monastery who is actually of a bloodline of Acheronian necromancers.
• Stephen Lang as Khalar Zym: A ruthless empire-building warlord, seeking Acheron's powers over life and death to resurrect his wife Ilira who was burned for her evil. The character was originally going to be called Khalar Singh[8]
• Rose McGowan as Marique: Khalar Zym's daughter and a powerful witch.
• Bob Sapp as Ukafa: Leader of Kushite Tribemen from the savannahs of Kush. Khalar Zym's lieutenant; he is "jealous that Zym’s daughter, Marique, will one day be warlord. He obeys his leader but plots the overthrow of his daughter."
• Steven O'Donnell as Lucius: Leader of Khalar Zym's "Legion of Aquilonian Mercenaries" he is disfigured by Conan during the ranscking of the Cimmerian village. He became warden of a prison soon after.
• Diana Lubenova as Cheren: A blind archer who leads a similar band of blind archers in Khalar Zym's mercenary army.
• Ron Perlman as Corin: A blacksmith, a leader of the Cimmerians and Conan's father.
• Nonso Anozie as Artus: A Zamoran pirate and friend of Conan.
• Saïd Taghmaoui as Ela-Shan: A thief who owes a debt to Conan.
• Milton Welsh as Remo: A "mysterious warrior of dark magic."
• Raad Rawi as Fassir: An elder monk and leader of the monastery charged with the care of Tamara.
•
Directed by Marcus Nispel
Produced by Fredrik Malmberg
Avi Lerner
Boaz Davidson
Joe Gatta
George Furla
John Baldecchi
Les Weldon
Written by Thomas Dean Donnelly
Joshua Oppenheimer
Sean Hood
Based on Conan the Barbarian by
Robert E. Howard
Narrated by Morgan Freeman
Music by Tyler Bates
Cinematography Thomas Kloss
Editing by Ken Blackwell,
In 3D, rated R