Super Sunday Clemens Cointreau: What would Mark Twain say?
Submitted by Jeff Munson on Sun, 01/07/2024 - 6:29pm
Whiskey, unless we put it on our bunions, is not good for us, yet great numbers of folks will be sipping it on Super Sunday in Las Vegas, as the word “book” morphs into a powerful verb.
Super Bowls bring us together. I remember our son’s first words. We were watching the Super Bowl together at home when he witnessed his first field goal, stuck his little finger into the air, and shouted, “It’s GOOD!”
Personally, I concoct my own Clemens Cointreau for Super Sunday, and I shall share my secret here with my good friend, the gentle reader. You suspend, and hermetically seal a naval orange in a bell jar, to hover above a couple liters of brandy and a cup of sugar for 30 days, during which time that orange drips flavor down into the brandy, and on Super Sunday, Voila! You’ve got Clemens Cointreau for the angels.
But you don’t want to eat the orange, or you could find yourself conversing with your grandfather, who has been deceased for a decade. All you need now is a St. Bernard to deliver your Super Sunday Clemens Cointreau to the neighbors in a small barrel strapped to his neck, along with a nice note.
As a fan of the Chicago White Stockings, Mark Twain would never get to see a Super Bowl, but if he had, we know what he might have chosen to compliment the contest. He wrote to his wife, Livy, from London in 1874, that he would like to have waiting upon his arrival back home, “…a bottle of Scotch whiskey, a lemon, some crushed sugar, and a bottle of angostura bitters. Ever since I have been in London I have taken a wine glass cocktail made with those ingredients before breakfast, before dinner, and just before going to bed.”
Today we call that a “Mark Twain Cocktail” and we can find it at the Fox in Carson City on any delightful day. To cleanse the pallet, I highly recommend the “Langhorne Lager” on tap for our pleasure. (Langhorne being Sam Clemens’s middle name.) So that being said, what would Mark Twain have to say?
“As for drinking, I have no rules as for drinking, when others are drinking, I like to help. I have found that a tumbler full of whiskey in the early evening is a preventive of toothache. I’ve never had the toothache, and what is more, I don’t intend to have one.”
Finally, as is our custom, we allow Mr. Twain the last word.
“How solemn and beautiful is the thought that the earliest pioneer of civilization is never the steamboat, never the railroad, never the newspaper, never the missionary, but always whiskey! All hands turn to and build a church and a jail, and behold, civilization is established forever in the land.”
Please join us next week for “What Would Mark Twain Say?” It’s free, and worth it!
I’m McAvoy Layne.
— For more than 35 years, in more than 4,000 performances, columnist and Chautauquan McAvoy Layne has been dedicated to preserving the wit and wisdom of “The Wild Humorist of the Pacific Slope,” Mark Twain. As Layne puts it: “It’s like being a Monday through Friday preacher, whose sermon, though not reverently pious, is fervently American." Go here for the spoken word version of this and other columns.
