What Works: Open Mouth, Don't Insert Foot, Communicate Successfully During the Holidays
Submitted by editor on Mon, 12/22/2014 - 12:29pm
Christmas brings out the child in all of us. Unfortunately, sometimes, Christmas REALLY brings out the child in us. We see family we haven’t seen since we were children. We get presents. We eat until our bellies almost burst. And, true to form for the holiday season, at least one person will speak their mind.
The key to preserving holiday peace is to PAUSE. I have come up with an acronym to help you.
Place yourself in their shoes.
Ask yourself if it’s important.
Use tact and grown up words.
Set boundaries with yourself and others.
Ease into difficult conversations.
Peace is made possible through pausing. Sometimes, families forget their children are no longer kids, but fully-functioning adults.
I will use my own experience as an example here. My mom is a giver. So am I. With two givers in the house, something has to give (and it can’t be both of us at once). One of us needs to realize that someone has to sit back and enjoy something. Since the only person I can control is me, I take accountability for that. So, when mom wants to buy light bulbs for my house because a few are burned out, I don’t go into child mode and say “no, mom, I can take care of myself!” I let her help and graciously receive. She’s not around all the time to “fix” the burned out lights in my life, so I gave her the gift of joy in helping and feeling like she made a difference. Just because someone replaced the lights, doesn’t mean I have to turn them all on.
Here’s how that situation worked out using the PAUSE acronym.
1) I placed myself in her shoes. “I don’t see my daughter much and I want to help her however I can and make a lasting impact.”
2) I asked myself if it was important to reject her offer. No, it wasn’t harming me or anyone else.
3) I used tact. “Thank you mom. You don’t have to replace all of the lights. Half of them would be fine and I’ll have extra bulbs left over if anything burns out again.”
4) Set boundaries. I let mom pay for the lights, but I spoke up about the quantity and thanked her for the lights when she wanted to make other big purchases.
5) I eased into it, used an even tone of voice and maintained eye contact. I let her know I was appreciative.
By PAUSING, I was able to get through personal feelings of being the “child” who needed to be taken care of and it was a good Holiday visit.
What situations are you anticipating? How will you use PAUSE this week to keep the Holiday peaceful? The floor is yours, Carson City.
ABOUT DIANE HANSEN
Diane Hansen is the Chief Inspiration Officer of What Works Coaching, a coaching firm that has helped people worldwide with their businesses, careers, mindsets, and profit margins. She brings to Carson City more than 17 years of experience with a wide array of clients, ranging from top corporations, motivated entrepreneurs and individuals hungry for a fresh start. Her column appears every Monday, and sometimes Tuesday, on Carson Now.
